Should we share a single professional in our divorce?
More separating couples are choosing to work together with a single professional since the “no-fault” divorce law introduced in England and Wales in April 2022 opened the door to joint divorce applications.
The main driving factors for a separating couple to work together in their divorce are:
their wish to resolve their divorce amicably and with dignity;
to reduce the impact, protect and benefit the family as a whole and build a positive parenting relationship if they have children;
to avoid conflict by having separate lawyers; or
to minimise the costs.
Other factors include looking for an out-of-court solution, controlling the outcome, and seeking privacy and confidentiality.
You may be wondering whether sharing a family law professional would work for you and what the benefits are.
To find out the answer, there are some questions you must first consider:
What’s your intention?
How is your relationship?
What’s your divorce budget?
Are you mentally and emotionally ready for divorce?
I shall explore each of these in more depth below.
Your Intention
When I start working with a client, one of my first questions is, “what kind of divorce do you want?”
If you are considering engaging in a joint divorce service, you and your spouse must commit to working amicably and cooperatively. You'll need to be willing to provide and share all relevant information with each other for a transparent and sincere approach to reaching a fair resolution.
So, if you are both prepared to work on this basis, a joint couples divorce service may be for you.
Your Relationship
You will need to assess how you interacted as a couple during the marriage to determine whether working together with one professional in your divorce may suit you.
Most divorces involve tensions, and there might be, of course, some areas of disagreement. With open and honest communication, the shared professional can help you with your discussions and work towards an agreed and workable solution.
The important factors to watch out for are:
whether there has been abuse during the relationship,
whether there are any safeguarding concerns about an adult or child, and
whether there is a significant imbalance of power between you.
You may be better off with separate legal representation if any of these are present.
Your Budget
No doubt, each of you retaining your own separate lawyer will mean higher costs.
And if you add to that the fact that some lawyers fail to manage clients’ expectations by taking an unreasonable or disproportionate approach and may even engage in confrontational practices (like sending highly inflammatory and aggressive letters), which can encourage conflict and lead to traditional court litigation, the costs can escalate.
How much you spend on your divorce will affect how much there will be available for distribution between you.
So, sharing a single professional will save you money and mean more money available for your new future.
Suppose you ever have any concerns with any advice received or a decision you are considering through the joint service. In that case, a good divorce and family law professional will allow you to obtain separate and independent individual advice if you wish.
Your Mental and Emotional Readiness
When experiencing a separation or divorce, different intense emotions and thoughts can be at play. Without managing those high emotions and negative thoughts, your judgement may be clouded, leading to decisions you might regret later.
So, before embarking on the legal business of divorce, it’s crucial that you allow time to grieve the loss of your relationship, if possible, and wait until you feel you are mentally and emotionally ready.
You could invest in specialist emotional support to learn how to take control of your emotions and proceed from a place of calm, clarity and rationality.
Whatever divorce service you choose, having the right mindset is critical to a smoother journey and a less adversarial outcome. Otherwise, you may spend energy fighting for things you don’t want or need, which may prolong the process unnecessarily, and ultimately risk increasing the financial and emotional costs.
If there is a high level of emotion, working with a single professional may only be successful if you have a professional offering the emotional support needed to help you make smart decisions.
So, if you are prepared…
to cooperate and commit to divorcing amicably,
to be truthful,
to find and agree on fair solutions for all,
and there aren’t any of the concerns mentioned above; sharing a family law professional in your divorce may be the right approach for you if you seek to minimise the conflict and cost and achieve a fair outcome for all.
Whatever your choice, as a couple, you will have to put in the work to end the marriage positively. Your approach will influence the emotional and financial cost for you and your family and will impact the outcome of the divorce and your future.
If you are interested in working together with your spouse in your divorce, get in touch to find out about Divorcing Together, my holistic and legal joint service designed for separating couples committed to unlocking the best outcome for the whole family in their divorce.
I’m Julia Moreno, a divorce coach with a legal background as a family law solicitor guiding couples through the legal and emotional turmoil of divorce towards a new and happy life. You can join my mailing list for free nuggets of inspiration, motivation and education for your separation and divorce journey or book a free clarity session with me. You can also contact me at julia@juliamoreno.co.uk.